being around my boyfriend makes me notice things about myself. i am anorexic (not that he knows as he only sees me in the evening!)and being like this makes you a selfish person. i like to be alone as this is the only way i can concentrate on my way of living. boyfriends and other people disrupt this and just get in the way. dont get me wrong, i love my boyfriend to bits! but why do i always feel like hes getting in my way and stopping me from doing whats right for me? he makes want to do this to myself. hes so thin and slender and yet im jelous of him because i am not. i punish myself all the time because of the way he is towards me. when we habe an argument and he shouts at me, it makes me feel imperfect and depressed, so il cut and starve myself for days. i strive for perfection all the time, but it never seems to be within my reach. i want to be thin, i want to look pretty and most of all, i want my boyfriend to put his arms around me and me he loves me. is that so much to ask?